thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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