When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
