I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
