i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize