First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
