I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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