At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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