Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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