The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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