you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
