I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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