I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize