anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
