you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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