Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
