I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he fucked my hip out of place.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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