I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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