My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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