I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
