I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
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