all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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