I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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