And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
