in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
How's work?
Spinning.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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