Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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