I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
