i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
