is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
