happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
