Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize