I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
