so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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