Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
