I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
