weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
