my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
