No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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