My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
