I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
