I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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