clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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