You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
