I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
