Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
