Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
