Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
