I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
