what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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