Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
