Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize