My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
