omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
