I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
