Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
