idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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