i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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