I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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