We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
