College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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