Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
