My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize