i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize