med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
