2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
