thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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