well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
